Toilet in the garden

As we were walking the Thames Path we had got as far as Slough . Margaret decided that she needed a loo and found some suitable bushes by the river side. Soon after that we decided to call and see some friends who lived near the Thames . We telephoned and they gave us directions by road. As we left, the person said ‘The easiest way back to the river is to go through my back garden- it comes straight out by the river. It did, and by the very same bush used earlier!!

Setting fire to the Menu

Whist choosing from a menu in a Thai restaurant in Manchester , Pete opened up the menu and was studying the wines. After a while, there were large flames from the other end of the menu which he had managed to drop into the candle flame. Disaster was averted by the restaurant staff who rushed over to put out the fire.

Wine on a virgin flight.

Flying to Fiji on a Virgin flight via Tokyo , Pete was watching a film on the personal screen using head-phones attached by a coiled wire. The stewardess came round and offered us some red wine. Pete put the headphones by his side and was about to drink the wine when the wire recoiled rapidly, wrapping itself around the wine and ejecting the contents everywhere including our laps, our neighbour and the TV monitor. The TV didn’t work for the rest of the flight!

Blowing the pot pourri around

On one of our long distance walks we got caught in a downpour and decided to call in a pub for an evening meal and to dry off. Margaret decided to put her wet boots under the hair dryer for a while. As she removed them she knocked over a large dish of Pot Pourri. It went all over the floor. On her hands and knees she spent the next 5 minutes retrieving it. Almost there, she heard management arriving and so decided to put the dish back. Unfortunately in trying to do this, she moved the dish under the hot air dryer. The Pot Pourri took off in clouds and was blowing all around the room as the management walked in!

Fusing the Southern Cross

Whilst spending a few nights at the Southern Cross Hotel in Suva , Fiji , we noticed that the electric clock was running a bit slow. Pete looked at it and saw a voltage switch. It looked as if it was set on 110 volts and so Pete decided to change the setting to 240 volts. As he moved the switch, there was a blue flash and all of the lights in the hotel went out!

Two in a loo

Having a snack in a café in Los Angeles we decided we needed the toilets. Margaret went first. It seemed that there was a code that was needed to get into the toilets (to avoid non customers from using the facilities). Margaret got the code of the day and it all worked fine. She explained to Pete that the code gave access through the main door, but then there were separate cubicles. Pete decided he wanted to go and so, armed with the code and now knowing the system, he set off. As he got to the loo, there was another person trying to figure out how it worked. “I’ll show you what to do”, said Pete and promptly put in the code, opened the door, held it open for the man and followed him in, shutting the door behind them. The set-up in the gents was obviously different - It was just a single loo and the man looked decidedly worried!

Writing off the UN van

Whilst out with the government visiting schools in Fiji , we ran into some red tape. We filled up the van with fuel and set off. On the journey we needed more fuel and called in to an area education office for a permit. “We can’t give you one as you are from a different area. Go back to where you came from and fill up there” (they failed to see the flaw in this). We suggested that they telephone our starting point and they could verify that we were genuine and give permission. However they were unable to make the phone call as the person who gives permission to use the phone was absent. After an hour or so of getting nowhere, we decided we would pay for the fuel and claim it back from the government later. This was acceptable and we filled up and set off. Some time later an ox ran out into the road and collided with our UN van. Our driver swerved to avoid it but couldn’t. There was glass everywhere and the van was demolished (surprisingly the ox walked away seemingly unharmed). In the scheme of things we decided not to bother to put in our claim for petrol!

A bubbly Malta apartment

Whilst staying in a Malta apartment we decided to use the washing machine and get our clothes clean. We set it up and went to bed. It was sometime in the early hours of the morning when we heard strange noises. We went to investigate but couldn’t see the machine or anything in the room which was floor to ceiling in bubbles! Maybe we had used the wrong sort of powder in the machine?

Setting fire to a Latvian letter

Whilst staying in Latvia recently we were given an important letter which contained a telephone number that we had to ring the next day. During the evening we were playing cards and we were writing the scores down on the back of the letter. Pete put the letter on the table (unknowingly on top of a lighted candle). After a while we smelt burning. We rescued the letter only to find that we had burnt a hole right through the telephone number.

The wrong Beti

We needed to get some charity books to the Minister of Education in Fiji . We were told to deliver them to Beti, the Minister’s secretary. We knew roughly where she lived and set off in search in a taxi. We tried several places but couldn’t find the place. Eventually someone suggested where Beti lived. We found the house and said- ‘Are you Beti who works for the Ministry of Education?’ ‘Yes’, she said, and gave us a big hug, thinking that she recognised us. We offloaded the boxes on to her drive and were about to drive off. It was at this point that Beti turned to us with a very puzzled expression on her face and said – ‘Who are you and what are these boxes here for?’ It seemed there were two Betis working at the Ed. Dept and we’d got the wrong one!

Flooding a Suva apartment

We were visiting a children’s home in Fiji . Whilst we were there, two children had an accident and we took them to the hospital casualty department. They needed several stitches. Our clothes were covered in blood, so when we finally got back to our apartment, we put our clothes to soak in the sink. We went into town for a meal. When we came back, we found we’d left the tap running. Our apartment was awash and we spent the next few hours mopping up.

Coffee leakage at the Junction

Travelling on a Greyhound bus from Los Angeles to San Francisco, we stopped of at the Junction ‘motorway services’. Fancying a cup of coffee, Pete placed a cup under the nozzle and pressed the ‘black coffee button’. The button seemed to get stuck as coffee poured out and continued to do so. Never were we more thankful to get back on the bus and leave the junction!

Sauce for the bank manager

We had an appointment to see the bank manager. We arrived in the town early and decided to have a snack first. We had chips and Pete decided he wanted tomato sauce on his. Pete tried to open the sachet but it wouldn't open. Margaret held it while Pete tried to poke it with a fork. The pack opened but unfortunately Margaret was squeezing it quite tightly. Result: tomato sauce all over Pete's shirt. Oops, time for our appointment!!

After you!

We'd been invited to a meal in Fiji with a number of distinguished guests. After a while someone told us the food was ready and that we should go ahead. We got to the room to see a table covered in different dishes of food. Being used to the Fijian custom of serving guests first, we thought nothing of the fact that no one else was there. We pulled up a chair and started tucking in. Sometime later someone came in and said "Actually, it's a buffet. We were waiting for you to come back with your food so that others could go!!"

The staff wish you all a merry Christmas

Many places have one of our charity collecting boxes. At a particular restaurant in Fiji we spoke to the waitress and she asked if we would send them one of our boxes. We posted it off and on our next visit called again to see how the collection was going. To our horror the box was on the counter, but with a new label which read 'Staff Christmas tips'. We asked to see our waitress, but were told she was working at another restaurant (some 50 miles away). When we were in that area a few days later we called in and were told she'd be working that evening. But when we came back we discovered that she'd handed in her notice and given her uniform back! Word travels fast on the Fiji grapevine!